Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It was like giving head to a cactus.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
