I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
