just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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