is your mom at the bar?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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