Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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