just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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