since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
