Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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