I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
