i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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