Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
