I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
