The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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