you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
