Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
