youre lurking in front of me
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
