I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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