i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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