Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
