it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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