I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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