I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
