I wish I could punch you in the face.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
They took my balls.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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