How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
