no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You don't make any sense
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