DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
being pregnant is like rehab
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Drunk is not a location!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
