Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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