I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
