Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
