Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize