Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
