the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize