Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I think I just sharted jello shots
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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