Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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