Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize