I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
