Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
