i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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