Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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