i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
