Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I love having hate sex.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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