Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
