Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
