I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
