I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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