just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
