if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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