Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
