Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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