I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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