Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
