If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
