I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
