i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize