just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
