She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
