the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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