You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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