For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
