I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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