it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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