i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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