I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
