His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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