i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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