6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Of course I have a pirate flag
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
