I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
