Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
