Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize