Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We need to feng shui this bitch.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
