You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
