we have pet lesbian snakes
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
