I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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