i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
