i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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