Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize