No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
