i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
