well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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