I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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