This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize