I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
