My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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