she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
