I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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