He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
