I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
