oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
