Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
