yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
