i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
