Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
