I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
