Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
