i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
