I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
