Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
