How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
