Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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