I wanna bring you to show and tell
Don't make out with my wife yet
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
