in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize