I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
