i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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