So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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