God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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