I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
