I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
