Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The best revenge is premature balding
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
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