Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We have so much sex to catch up on
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
