Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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