I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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