people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
