True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
