mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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