is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
