ya dads aren't the best wingmen
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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