Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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