i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
